What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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