omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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