Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
