So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
