my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
