It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
