help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
