Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
