Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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