I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize