yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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