a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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