Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
