Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
