He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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