I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize