Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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