i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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