you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
