I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
