we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize