Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
