That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
