you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't turn off my feet"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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