I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
