If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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