Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
