went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
sick fucks of a feather flock together
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
