The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
