so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
