I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
