I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
