My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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