is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
