but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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