you mean i was at the winter classic?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
