Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize