dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
