That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
