May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
