Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
