I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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