rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
