Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize