well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
