No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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