Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
