we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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