the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm always down for nudity.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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