i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
