your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
