She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
