maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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