I faked an abortion last night.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
