i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
