i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
