This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
