Jerry, you need to find god
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
