I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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