i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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