Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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