Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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