BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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