she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
