He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
