Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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