dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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