somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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