how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
