A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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