Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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