Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
