Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
