have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize