Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
