So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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