I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
