I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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