i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
