I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
