he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
