sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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