Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
