I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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