i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
