You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
