The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
