Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
