If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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