The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize