Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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