Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
